WHY HAVE I BEEN INCONSISTENT

Where it started....

Hey y'all, my inconsistent self decided to write this post. First off, the title is kind of what it seems, but not fully. Their has been reasonings behind me being inconsistent and procrastinating with myself. I will start off by saying I'm going to take accountability for myself. I allowed insecurities and negativity to override what I really wanted to do instead of having faith in God and his work with his purpose for my life. I had a hard time believing in myself because I felt like if my family could judge me this hard, why wouldn't the outside world?

I've dealt with a lot of insecurities throughout my life. Not believing in myself is not how I started out in life. I had huge confidence as a little girl, but I was molded into insecurities and negativity because of a certain comment that was made amongst my family and the situation that God has blessed me with. Out of my grandmother's six kids, my mom was the only parent whose child truly had both sides of his or her family. I couldn't help that. I couldn't help how my dad's side of the family was, which is very family-oriented, especially when it comes to the kids. Plus, I automatically became the favorite because my dad was the favorite in his family. I mean, I couldn't think of one person who disliked my dad. What inspired me to talk about this is because I felt God say I needed to release this part of my life so that I could grow and be the person I wanted to be and the person he made me to be. So that I could have the life I want for myself and my son. But I also read a book By Kierra Sheard Called "Big, Bold & Beautiful it was a chapter in there called The Silver Spoon and it told me not to be ashamed of it.

My insecurities.....

My insecurities in my family made me feel like I couldn't accomplish anything, like no one wanted me around and etc so everything I did I would quit even though I didn't want to quit I would. I even felt like I was seeking attention because of the lack of support it also triggered an anger in me that made me do things to the people that was hurting me (I wasn't doing anything extreme) I just was like if you gone hurt me I'm gone figure out away to get you back. Yeah a little devilish I know but at first I was just letting things slide. Allowing people to walk all over me but I had to put a stop to that because I realized how bad it was hurting me and keep me stagnant.

Fighting my Insecurities & Accomplishing Confidence....

I realized I was put on this earth for so much more. I had to stop beating myself up because I became my own worst enemy. Letting negativity feed my brain didn't help me grow I was allowing it to hinder me. I remember one day I was really at a low point in myself I felt stuck and lost and I cried so much that day that I forced myself to start looking at myself differently. I started to do the work to find my own confidence in everything that I need to do. I started meditating, reading my bible more, exercising and so many other things. But I'm still a working progress and I'm still working on me.