I'm Not Trying to Find Myself Anymore-I'm Building Myself

"Maybe you're not lost. Maybe you're just unfinished."

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Have you ever felt like you're still trying to figure yourself out?

Like you're constantly asking yourself what you really want, who you're becoming, where you're going, and when everything is finally going to make sense?

I've asked myself those questions more times than I can count.

But lately, I've started looking at it differently.

Maybe I'm not lost anymore.

Maybe I'm under construction.

And there's a difference.

For a long time, I thought becoming the woman I wanted to be meant finding some version of myself that was already there. Like one day, I'd finally figure out who I was, what I wanted, and exactly where I was supposed to be.

But what if I'm not supposed to find myself?

What if I'm supposed to build myself?

Build the confidence. Build the discipline. Build habits. Build the life. Build the woman I'm becoming.

Because maybe the version of me I'm looking for isn't waiting somewhere to be discovered.

Maybe she's being created by the choice I'm making right now.

I think a lot of us spend way too much time trying to “find ourselves.”

We’re constantly asking questions like

Who am I? What am I supposed to be doing? What is my purpose? Am I on the right path? Why don’t I have it all figured out yet?

And then, if we look around long enough, it can seem like everybody else has somehow gotten the memo.

Someone has the career.

Someone has the relationship.

Someone has the body they want.

Someone seems confident.

Someone knows exactly what they want out of life.

Someone is traveling, buying a house, starting a business, raising a family, getting married, changing careers, or accomplishing something you’ve been thinking about doing yourself.

And because we can see everyone else’s progress, it’s easy to start questioning our own.

Maybe I’m behind.

Maybe I should be further along.

Maybe I’m doing something wrong.

But here’s something I’m starting to realize:

Maybe we’re not supposed to have a finished version of ourselves.

Maybe we’re supposed to build ourselves.

Maybe You’re Not Lost

There is a difference between being lost and being in the process of becoming.

Sometimes we call ourselves “lost” simply because we don’t have all the answers yet.

But not knowing exactly what comes next doesn’t mean you’re going nowhere.

You can be figuring things out and still be making progress.

You can change your mind.

You can start over.

You can realize that something you wanted five years ago isn’t something you want anymore.

You can discover that the person you thought you were supposed to become doesn’t actually feel like you.

That’s not failure.

That’s growth.

And I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to “find ourselves” that we forget something really important:

You are allowed to build yourself.

Building Yourself Means You Get a Say

When you think about “finding yourself,” it can almost sound like there’s one version of you already out there somewhere.

You just have to find her.

But building yourself feels different.

Building means you get to participate.

You get to decide what kind of person you want to become.

Maybe you want to become more confident.

Build it.

Maybe you want to become healthier.

Build it.

Maybe you want better relationships.

Build better communication. Build better boundaries. Build better standards.

Maybe you want a career you’re proud of.

Build the skills. Build the experience. Build the confidence to go after it.

Maybe you want stronger faith.

Build your relationship with God.

Maybe you want to become more disciplined.

Start keeping the promises you make to yourself.

None of these things happen because one day you magically wake up as a completely different person.

They happen because of the little decisions you keep making.

Over and over.

Stop Comparing Your Construction Site to Someone Else’s Finished House

This is where I think comparison gets us in trouble.

You can look at somebody else’s life and think they have it all together.

They seem confident.

They seem healthy.

They seem successful.

They seem happy.

They seem certain.

Meanwhile, you’re sitting there wondering why you haven’t figured everything out yet.

But you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to somebody else’s highlight reel.

You don’t know what their life actually looks like when the camera is off.

And even if they really do have certain things figured out, that still doesn’t mean you’re behind.

Their timeline is not your timeline.

Their priorities aren’t necessarily your priorities.

Their definition of success doesn’t have to become yours.

And honestly, sometimes the life you’re comparing yourself to isn’t even the life you actually want.

You just want the feeling you think comes with it.

Maybe you don’t want their relationship. You want to feel loved.

Maybe you don’t want their career. You want financial security.

Maybe you don’t want their body. You want to feel comfortable and confident in yours.

Maybe you don’t want their lifestyle. You just want to feel like you’re making progress.

That’s worth paying attention to.

Because sometimes comparison isn’t telling you what you need to become.

It’s showing you something you need to understand about yourself.

Building Yourself Isn’t Always Pretty

We love the idea of becoming our “best selves.”

It sounds beautiful.

But nobody really talks about the construction part.

Building yourself can look like admitting you need to change.

It can look like getting your finances together.

Taking better care of your health.

Learning how to communicate.

Walking away from relationships that aren’t healthy for you.

Setting a boundary and actually keeping it.

Getting serious about your goals.

Going back to school.

Changing careers.

Starting the business you’ve been talking about.

Getting organized.

Becoming more disciplined.

Learning how to be alone.

Learning how to trust yourself.

Sometimes building yourself means doing things that nobody else sees.

There may not be a celebration.

There may not be an announcement.

Nobody may even notice.

But you notice.

And that’s important.

Because becoming a different version of yourself doesn’t always happen in big, dramatic moments.

Sometimes it happens in the quiet decisions you make when nobody is watching.

You Don’t Have to Become Someone Completely Different

And I don’t think building yourself means you have to hate who you’ve been.

You don’t have to look back at your past self and say, “I was terrible. I didn’t know anything. I wasted so much time.”

Maybe that version of you was doing the best she could with what she knew at the time.

Maybe she made mistakes.

Maybe she made some really good decisions, too.

Maybe she survived things that changed her.

Maybe she learned things the hard way.

Maybe she became stronger in ways she didn’t even realize.

You can appreciate who you’ve been while still deciding that you want something different for yourself.

You can love the person you were and still outgrow her.

That’s not betrayal.

That’s evolution.

So Who Are You Building?

Maybe instead of constantly asking, “Who am I?"We should sometimes ask:

“Who am I becoming?”

What does that person value?

What does she make time for?

How does she treat herself?

What does she tolerate?

What does she no longer make excuses for?

What does she need to learn?

What habits does she need to develop?

What does she need to let go of?

And maybe most importantly:

What can you start doing today that moves you closer to her?

Not tomorrow.

Not when everything is perfect.

Not when you have more money.

Not when you lose the weight.

Not when you get the job.

Not when you finally feel confident.

Today.

Because you don’t have to feel like the person you’re becoming before you start becoming her.

You’re Allowed to Be a Work in Progress

I think we need to give ourselves more permission to be works in progress.

You don’t have to have everything figured out.

You don’t have to know exactly where you’ll be five years from now.

You don’t have to have the perfect routine, the perfect career, the perfect relationship, the perfect body, or the perfect life.

You just need to be willing to keep building.

And sometimes that means taking one step forward and realizing you need to take a different direction.

Sometimes it means starting over.

Sometimes it means slowing down.

Sometimes it means finally taking yourself seriously.

And sometimes it means recognizing that you aren’t behind at all.

You’re just in the middle of your becoming.

So no, maybe I’m not trying to find myself anymore.

And maybe you don’t have to either.

Maybe we’re both still under construction.

And that’s okay.

Because I’m starting to realize that the goal was never to find some perfect version of myself that was waiting somewhere to be discovered.

The goal is to build a life, a mindset, and a version of myself that actually feels like mine.

And I’m okay with taking my time to build it.